“Yes—a window washer,” continued the king as a round of skeptical expressions encircled the table like a pack of confused hyenas closing in on their perplexing prey. “A barber, a window washer—these will be our way into the halo’s case, our very own set of keys.”
Saly piped up. “A window washer, a barber, a bartender, a guard. Are you sure we’re not just rounding out the palace staff?”
“This is the worst recruitment process I’ve ever been a part of,” muttered Beel.
Root elbowed him. “You’re going to blow your job interview.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be hired.”
“Oh, I have a role for you as well,” said the king to Beel.
Beel sighed.
“What about the third?” asked Saly. “You said we’d need three more recruits.”
“There is one more. A nice, round ten to complete our crew. And this one is absolutely crucial. We’ll need a Senior Marketing, Strategy, and Operations Coordinating Analyst.”
This time, Root didn’t bother to laugh. She might’ve laughed if she found a place to insert a joke, but instead the look of confusion was there to stay.
“What’s a Senior Marketing Coordinating… that?” she asked.
“Absolutely critical if we want this plan to work.”
“What will they do?” asked Vit.
The king cocked his little carved face. “Translate strategic priorities into actionable outcomes. Streamline collaboration, market trends, and communication to align with initiative dynamics. That sort of thing.”
Root blinked.
“And we need this?” asked Azriah.
“Do you want to ensure key planning opportunities are integrated and optimized or don’t you?”
“I…”
“Look,” said the king. “There are some roles every team simply cannot go without. Some jobs need doing. Do you understand?”
“No,” said Vit. “But we can find you a Strategist of… er, a Marketing…”
“I think the first word was ‘Collaborator,’” said Beel.
Vit shook their head. “That doesn’t sound familiar. Colander?”
“A Senior Marketing, Strategy, and Operations Coordinating Analyst,” said the king impatiently.
“Right,” said Vit. “Could you write that down for us?”
Brian Sand sat beneath long, tube-shaped lanterns built into the ceiling. They’d been specially designed to emit the whitest light possible, which made it hurt to look at his papers all day, but he didn’t mind that. It was his favorite type of lighting. And he’d had a very good day.
He was the last in the office, as he always was. No rushing out on a good day’s work, he always said, and there was simply no beating another fifteen minutes under the harsh white lights humming faintly overhead.
Grey half-walls rimmed him on all sides, giving him the perfect little box for himself and his desk, an optimized workspace. He’d even made it his own with a little bobblehead and a blue pencil sharpener—how cool!
Brian shuffled papers around, stacking them neatly and filing some away in a metal drawer to his left to maintain an organized and dedicated workspace. Nearly done for the evening—just a quick check through all he’d gotten done and then he’d be out of there, heading home to rest up for another day of exceptional performance.
Let’s see… thought Brian as he slid a notepad closer to read off the list, his pencil hovering over the boxes to mark each one with a satisfying check.
- Ensure messaging and identity are optimized for consumer interaction—check!
- Follow up on strategic projects—check!
- Deliver brand performance reports to the Senior Director of Branding, Marketing, and Initiatives—check!
- Manage and develop executive channels and dynamic objectives to produce high-quality work—check!
- Assess audience needs to translate and guide partner goals for more streamlined impacts—check!
- Circle back with Kathy from the Communicative Directives department on memo about key projects for enhancing creative deliverables—check!
- Refine cross-functionality of consistency and leadership visuals for shareholders—check!
- Engage in feedback for competitive messaging across all brands—check!
- Moved system outputs to produce polished results in a timely manner—check!
Brian sat back and assessed the list with a careful eye for optimization and consistency. Yes, a job well done. An important job, and well done indeed. He was so cool.
Footsteps approached on the grey, wrinkled carpet. Funny—he thought the other team members had gone home already. They grew closer, and then a shadow dampened his nice, white light.
Brian turned in his swiveling chair. A marvelous invention, the swiveling chair had been—it even had wheels on the bottom for enhanced maneuverability in a fast-paced work environment. Now if the manufacturers only stretched to innovation in the comfort department…
Two figures stood at the door of Brian’s cubicle. One looked like a creative problem-solver but not particularly driven by finalized outcomes. The other had a way of assessing his environment that indicated he could handle data in a consistent and strategic manner, but that he shouldn’t be trusted with a line of company credit. The first also had a bit of a greenish-blueish inclination. The color made Brian blink in surprise; it was a bit of an excessive visual for this focus-forward environment.
“Excuse me…?” said the problem-solver.
“What can I do you for?”
“My name is Vit. This is Saly. You are?”
“Brian Sand,” said Brian Sand.
“Nice to meet you, Brian,” said Vit the problem-solver. “Uh, interesting workspace you’ve got here.”
“Ah—you like the pencil sharpener?”
“It really livens up the place. In any case, we’re looking for… well, we’re looking for you, but we were also wondering… uh, what is it you do here, Brian?”
“I’m the Senior Marketing, Strategy, and Operations Coordinating Analyst.”
“Right, yes, but what is it, exactly, that you do?”
“Well, all sorts of stuff. Adjust strategic direction, identify consistency in campaigns and initiatives, maximize brand goals by instituting clear messaging objectives. That sort of thing.”
The data manager—Saly—turned to Vit. “That… sounds sort of like what Brock was talking about…”
Vit nodded and turned back to Brian. “Sorry—just trying to make sure we have the right guy. Someone fit for the, er, job.”
“Oh!” said Brain, standing. He shook each of their hands. “Well, I’m a great self-starter, able to work independently and as part of a diverse team. I’ve got plenty of attestations to my streamlined workflow and drive. My strengths are in responsibility, juggling several high-profile projects simultaneously, and keeping detailed reports for further reflection and analysis to initiate regular improvements. If I had to give a weakness—that’s a tough one. I’d say I have a tendency to be too dedicated. Sometimes I don’t know when to put something aside for the day, ha!”
“Right,” said Vit. They studied him carefully with an unusual set of eyes. That was good—always helpful to bring unique viewpoints to the table for better team dialogue.
Vit and Saly shared a silent look. As one, they both shrugged.
“You’re hired?” said Vit uncertainly.
Brian shook each of their hands again. “That’s great news! I’m grateful for this opportunity to bring my expertise to your team. Now, is there room to negotiate pay?”
“I think you’ll find the compensation more than satisfactory,” said Saly. “We’re excited to have you.”
Vit nodded. “And to find out what it is you’ll be doing.”